Ah, Valentine's Day...
... how awkward.
Are you going to stress out?
Last year, you liked someone. You wanted to give that person a valentine, but you feared it would look weird if you only gave a valentine to one person. So you stayed up until 2 A.M., making cards for every person you knew. On the front, the card read, “I don't love you...” On the inside, the card read, “but you're a great friend.” And you accidentally made one card without the word “don't” on the front. And your plan was to accidentally give this card to the person you liked. Then, if the person you liked did, actually, complain, you could prove that the whole matter was a big accident.
Of course it didn't work. You really accidentally gave it to the wrong person. Then, that person accidentally started to like you, and you had to accidentally avoid that person for months.
No, this year, you're playing it cool –– cool as the heart of really unconcerned penguin. You are playing it so cool that you completely ignore Valentine's Day. You don't even think about hearts or roses or cards or the color pink or baby archers. Stick your hands in your pockets and take a stroll. Casual. Cool. You ain't got nothing to think about. Hey, look. Your best friend in the world is walking towards you. Cool. Your friend's practically wearing a cupid outfit. Hey, don't freak out. Just don't stare too hard. Pretend your friend always dresses like this, so it's nothing different. Cool.
Now, your friend says like, “Hey!”
And you say like, “Hey.”
And your friend says like, “Hey, I was just thinking about you.”
And you like nearly respond, but your friend pulls out this fifteen dollar box of fancy, delicious chocolates and shoves it into your hands. Cool....
And all you can do is say like, “Oh, yeah, forgot it was Valentine's Day.”
Your friend says like, “Oh,” to make you feel better or something.
And you like dig around in your pockets for minute. You find something. It's a flattened pompom animal that you found on the side of the road. Cool. Only got one googly eye left on it. But you give it to your friend and say like, “Here, why don't you take this.”
Now, you look like Valentino Scrooge. Cool?
So, what will you do?! What will you do?! At this point, you will PANIC!!! You will panic, because you will think, “This Valentine's Day stuff is an unavoidable waste of time and emotions!!!” But before you start feeling like an overwhelmed crazy person, will you listen to this?! (This little gem of a fortune cookie will help you immensely!) You will be a reasonable person, and you will not get your advice from the Internet. To ensure that this sinks in, you will take a brief pause... And you will continue! You will get your advice from your parents, your dog, or your own little Jiminy Cricket, but not the Internet!!! Your Valentine's Day will be lovely, love-filled and lovetastic! You will be busy with construction paper! You will share one of those heart-shaped pizzas with someone! You will feel happy and carefree, because all of your dreams will come true!
You have a happy Valentine's Day.
Heartfeltly Yours,
Zachary W.
2 comments:
OMG! This is way too funny. You had us feeling all the emotions on this very awkward day for tweens and teens. Wow, a lot to think about. Personally we love the heart shaped pizza or a hear shaped Mrs. Fields' Cookie would work!
dekoposh, Inc. Team
This is for sure twisted. I hope this never happens to me. You are so funny.
Wink...Posh
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